Posts tagged “Ellen White”
May 31, 2016 2 Comments

Assume that People Do Their Best? Is that Possible?

Some thoughts from Mark Landry’s (not so) completely. miserable. blog. His latest post, titled Some (painful-for-me) Thoughts on Letting People Off the Hook, began like this –

I’ve learned something recently, something that I know will change my life if I can get my head around it, something I wish I would have realized 20 years ago, but nobody was talking about things like this when I was 30.  If I could fax my younger self I’d say without hesitation – master this.

Brene Brown, in one of her recent books “Rising Strong,” relates some powerful advise from a friend:

Steve said, “I don’t know. I really don’t. All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.” His answer felt like truth to me. Not an easy truth, but truth.

This sounded great, so I tried it.  Massive fail.  I don’t have it in me.  I’ve built an entire world around judging others, comparing myself to others, using the “laziness” of others to make myself feel good, labeling people based on what they have or haven’t accomplished in their lives.

It feels good to tear someone down.  It makes us feel valuable, ironically, when we take someone’s value away.   But ultimately I have to put myself under the same microscope, which is especially hard these days.  I”m a washed up, has-been pastor, now a stay at home dad.  Not much in my life to tout.  All the judgments, all the “can you believe that guy” thoughts that I’ve used to create my little accomplishment-based caste system have come back to haunt me.  In spades.  Over and again I come up just as short as everyone else.

“It makes us feel valuable, ironically, when we take someone’s value away.”

Along with Mark Landry, I have been thinking a lot recently about the damage of criticism. Glasser rated criticism as the most damaging of the Deadly Habits, the most disconnecting of the “disconnectors.” Passages I am reading in a little book called Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing has reinforced Glasser’s concern regarding the effects of criticism. The people of Jesus’ day, the little book points out, “reflected the spirit of their religious leaders as they intruded on the conscience of others and judged each other in matters that are between the soul and God.”

A cover of the little book, Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing, which is based on what has come to be known as The Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew 5-7.

A cover of the little book, Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing, which is based on what has come to be known as The Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew 5-7.

It was in reference to this spirit and practice that Jesus said, “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged.” (Matt. 7:1), and which the little book further explains –

That is, do not make your opinions, your views of duty, your interpretations of Scripture, a criterion for others and in your heart condemn them if they do not come up to your ideal. Do not criticize others, conjecturing as to their motives and passing judgment upon them.” Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing, p. 178

Once again, I am reminded of the similar emphasis of these two disparate authors – Ellen White and William Glasser – the first a spiritual author at the turn of the 20th century and the second a secular author at the turn of the 21st century. Glasser would have resonated with Ellen’s statement, for instance, that –

“The sin that leads to the most unhappy results is a cold, critical, unforgiving spirit.”  Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing, p. 181

PP-JesusTeacing_JS_0057

It is especially interesting to me just how far the damage of a critical spirit can reach, and how powerful that damage can be. Our personal relationships are hurt when criticism is present, often deeply, but we also need to remember how the spirit of criticism can affect an organization’s atmosphere, and in particular a leader’s strategy within that organization. Religious leaders and churches do not draw a pass here. In fact, it is just the opposite. In the passage that follows, Ellen White describes how criticism morphs into control, and how laws and persecution are the sure result. She writes –

When men indulge this accusing spirit, they are not satisfied with pointing out what they suppose to be a defect in their brother. If milder means fail of making him do what they think ought to be done, they will resort to compulsion. Just as far as lies in their power they will force men to comply with their ideas of what is right. This is what the Jews did in the days of Christ and what the church has done ever since whenever she has lost the grace of Christ. Finding herself destitute of the power of love, she has reached out for the strong arm of the state to enforce her dogmas and execute her decrees. Here is the secret of all religious laws that have ever been enacted, and the secret of all persecution from the days of Abel to our own time.

Christ does not drive but draws men unto Him. The only compulsion which He employs is the constraint of love. When the church begins to seek for the support of secular power, it is evident that she is devoid of the power of Christ–the constraint of divine love.  Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing, p. 182

Christ does not drive but draws men unto Him.
The only compulsion which He employs is the constraint of love.

Love is the answer, and always has been. Yet how strong the pull is to coerce loved ones into complying with our ideas of what is right. Whether organizationally or individually, though, whenever the spirit of criticism rules the results are disastrous. May we keep from criticizing, judging, blaming, and forcing others to accept our ideas, especially if we are in any way associated with religion.

===============

I have been receiving a lot of positive feedback on the last post, Desks as Cars. Check it for a great idea about teaching Choice Theory to children.

===============

If you have read Glasser’s biography, Champion of Choice, would you take a moment and write a review that I can share as part of The Better Plan blog? Sales of the book have been slow in the U.S. Let’s do what we can to let others know of Glasser’s life and ideas.
October 21, 2013 9 Comments

Choice Theory in Beirut

Beirut sunset

Beirut sunset

I am in Beirut. Yes, Lebanon.

As I write this there is a beautiful sunset to the west and the lights of the city, like stars, are beginning to come alive and twinkle. I hear the sounds of sirens echoing from the city below. I see the sunset, the sky turning gorgeous shades of darker hues, and hear the sounds of the city from my third floor dorm room, my room with a view. Quite spectacular, actually.

I am in the Middle East for the first time in my life, invited here to share the ideas of choice theory. My perception of this area of the world is that it tends toward authoritarian approaches to life, maybe especially so in the Muslim community, and both of these thoughts were confirmed by Beirut natives in discussions after I arrived. Still, though, there is a desire by teachers here to consider the principles of choice theory.

My presentations occurred on Sabbath afternoon, October 19, and most of the day on Sunday, October 20. Dr. Ed Boyatt, recently retired Dean of the School of Education at La Sierra University, is a co-presenter with me and gave his talks on Friday evening and Sabbath morning. There were three things I wanted to emphasize during the comparatively short time I had to introduce the group to the concepts of choice theory. They were –

1. God designed us for internal control based on freedom.

2. Positive relationships are the foundation on which other success pieces are built.

3. Schools can be need-satisfying places that students and teachers want to come to each day.

A large group came together for the choice theory conference on Sunday.

A large group came together for the choice theory conference on Sunday.

Sabbath afternoon really focused on the first theme, including the idea that since God created us for internal control even He won’t control us. Sunday focused on some of the choice theory elements – understanding the basic needs and the concept of the quality world – that contribute to fulfilling the second and third themes.

One of the quotes that supports the idea that we have been created for internal control, and the quote that years ago first alerted me to a possible similarity between Ellen White, one of the SDA church founders, and William Glasser, says that

The training of children must be conducted on a different principle from that which governs the training of irrational animals.  The brute has only to be accustomed to submit to its master; but the child must be taught to control himself.  The will must be trained to obey the dictates of reason and conscience. A child may be so disciplined as to have, like the beast, no will of its own, his individuality being lost in that of his teacher.  Such training is unwise, and its effect disastrous.             Fundamentals of Christian Education, p. 57

This quote led me to further reading of Ellen White’s books, which then led me to a detailed comparison between Glasser and White, and which ultimately led to the writing of the Soul Shapers book. Both Glasser and White explain, describe, remind, warn, invite, and encourage. Their written words state ideas in ways that get our attention. For example (a few other quotes shared during the conference) –

True education is not the forcing of instruction on an unready and unreceptive mind.    Education, p. 41

Those who train their pupils to feel that the power lies in themselves to become men and women of honor and usefulness, will be the most permanently successful.  Their work may not appear to the best advantage to careless observers, and their labor may not be valued so highly as that of the instructor who holds absolute control, but the after-life of the pupils will show the results of the better plan of education.                    Fundamentals of Christian Education, p. 58

The latter quote provided the idea for the name of this blog. For Ellen White, “the better plan” had everything to do with working with students in a way that honors the internal control with which they are designed. These are just some of the quotes that spurred our discussion during the conference.

Jim Roy and Jimmy Choufani

Jim Roy and Jimmy Choufani

This is a picture of Jimmy Choufani and me as we talk about the Sunday afternoon session of the conference. I can’t say enough good things about Jimmy! He will read this and probably be a little upset at me for saying these nice things about him, but .  .  . well .  .  . tough. Jimmy is a gifted educational administrator. If you haven’t been to Beirut, it may be hard for you to understand what he and his team have accomplished at Bouchrieh Adventist Secondary School (BASS). Ed Boyatt and I had the privilege of observing in classrooms today at the school and I am impressed. I am impressed with the organization and structure of the school, the ability of the teachers, and the level of respect by the students.

Isaac Atem Thon Atem and Jim Roy.

Isaac Atem Thon Atem and Jim Roy.

This last picture is of me and Isaac Atem Thon Atem. Isaac is just about to complete his teaching degree at Middle East University and attended the conference over the weekend as a future teacher on the lookout for good ideas. He approached me during one of the breaks and asked if he could purchase one of the Soul Shaper books. I didn’t bring any with me to sell, but as I listened to him tell me about his plan to return to South Sudan and to teach there, I quickly said, please, take my copy. It is a privilege for me to support Isaac. He is a gentle soul ready to go to a difficult place and do what he can to make life better for his students.

I never imagined that choice theory would bring me to the Middle East, but it has and I am very thankful for it. I look forward to a few more days here, and to discussions about the future of choice theory in Beirut!
July 13, 2013 2 Comments

Real Freedom

amnesty_print_chains

The topic of control is a big deal!

Many of us commit a lot of energy to trying to control others. This is a discouraging process that drains us emotionally and physically. Most importantly, trying to control others, usually the people we want to be the closest to, hurts our relationship with them. I feel there is a good chance that this “control” process is almost single-handedly responsible for the ridiculously high divorce rates.

We also commit a lot of energy and effort into trying to control ourselves. If we believe in a reward and punishment approach to life, and if we are using reward and punishment to try to control others, we will use those same tactics on ourselves. And, as you may have learned from experience, with pretty much the same ineffective results. In the same way that external control negatively affects our relationship with others, an external control approach negatively affects the relationship we have with ourselves, too. As self-control seems to elude us, we come to resent and even loathe ourselves.

With today being a Sabbath[1], a day of rest, our blog today will focus on some of the spiritual implications of control.

One of the most powerful themes of Jesus, at least for me, was the message that He came to set the captives free. Some took offense to this offer. When Jesus said “the truth will set you free,” the religious leaders of His day protested that they were descendants of Abraham and had never been slaves to anyone. “What do you mean,” they accusingly inquired, that “You will be set free?” (John 8:32, 33) A lot of us, though, know exactly what Jesus was talking about. Those who sin are slaves of sin. (John 8:34) We get caught in the sticky webs of our own behavior and like Paul, who admitted that he couldn’t seem to do right, even when he really wanted to do right, can only cry out in desperation, “Oh, what a miserable person I am. Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin?”[2] (Romans 7:24)

Peter agreed that  “you are a slave to whatever controls you.” (2 Peter 2:19) And a little book called Steps to Christ[3] explains that “What we do not overcome will overcome us.”  (p.33) Regardless of our culture, nationality, or religious background, this is what human beings are up against. Either we are becoming more trapped within our own physical and psychological appetites, feeling almost like we are in chains to silly or destructive habits, or we are becoming more free, more in control of our thinking and our acting.

I think that God appreciates choice theory. He created us with free will and He died to preserve our power to choose. He doesn’t want us to stop with just choice theory, though. Choice theory can help to explain our behavior, but it can’t change our hearts. That kind of change requires Holy Spirit help, which He offers freely and immediately. Amazing! The Bible writer, Titus, partly captured this truth when he wrote that “He [Jesus] gave His life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us His very own people.” (Titus 2:14)

It is draining to constantly be involved in controlling others and ourselves. The whole control thing can be distressing to say the least. Jesus offers us something different, though. “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matt. 11:28) Don’t worry about things. Don’t worry about what you wear, don’t worry about food, don’t worry about tomorrow, don’t worry about the behavior of others. “Seek the kingdom of God, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” (Matt. 6:25-7:5)

The adversary, Satan, wants to trap, enslave, chain, and addict. But Jesus’ promise is as real today as when He first proclaimed it – “I have come to set the captives free!”

[1] The seventh-day Sabbath is known for being a Jewish custom, but this is not entirely correct. Jewish people do observe Saturday Sabbath, however I am not Jewish, yet still observe this weekly gift of rest. The Sabbath was instituted at the creation of the world, before there were any nationalities or cultures. The Sabbath was included in the Ten Commandments many hundreds of years after creation, but the wording is significant. “Remember the Sabbath day,” the fourth commandment reminds. It wasn’t something new for the Hebrews after leaving captivity. The Sabbath was a day that God gave to all creation as His special gift. Even in the perfect world He originally created He must have known it would be good for us to truly rest one day out of seven. With the entrance of sin into the world and the pressures it brought to bear on us, His gift is all the more important. “Take it easy,” He gently encourages us. “Come apart from your busyness, your worries, and your to-do lists. Let’s hang out together during this special day.” After all, the earth is God’s coffee shop.

[2] The answer is Jesus! Romans 7:25

[3] Steps to Christ, by Ellen White, is an incredible book on spirituality and the power of choice.

%d bloggers like this: