Posts tagged “Glasser”
July 17, 2013 4 Comments

Ears, Mouth, and Choice Theory

A young principal described how his dad was a great guy, but that he didn’t know how to listen. With the challenges that come with being a school administrator, Dave (we’ll call him) would occasionally share what he was up against with his dad. He confided that –

I would call him, just needing to talk with someone, someone not close to the situation. My dad was a sharp guy and had a lot of life experience and as soon as I explained the problem, sometimes even before I was done explaining, he would quickly start telling me what I needed to do. He was trying to help. I have no question about that. But I didn’t call for advice. I just needed to talk. The sad thing is that when he started giving me advice during the phone call, I would feel myself withdraw or pull away. I kinda wanted the phone call to be over at that point.

It is easy to fall into the same habit as Dave’s dad. We are quick to tell what the answer is or where the solution lies, rather than simply listening and then accepting or affirming. Husbands are quick to do this with wives, parents are quick to do this with children, and teachers are quick to do it with students. We mean well. The answer seems obvious to us. We just want to save time and get to the solution.

Teachers who learn about choice theory begin to understand the pitfalls of telling, rather than listening, and begin to see that one of the best things we can do for another person is to help them develop their own solutions. In other words, the goal is to help a person effectively self-evaluate. Whether we are a listening to a friend explain why she wants to quit her job and go back to school, a husband listening to his wife wonder aloud about problems with the upcoming Home & School potluck, or a teacher working with a student who keeps forgetting one of the classroom procedures, the answer may have more to do with asking the right question, instead of giving the person your solution.

———-

Conferencing is about

helping another person effectively self-evaluate

in a way that maintains or strengthens the relationship.

———-

Becoming a listener who knows how to ask questions that can lead to self-evaluation is one of the most important steps we can take toward being a choice theory teacher or parent.

One of my mentors, Kendall Butler, once shared with me that “it is better to get something out of someone’s mouth than it is to put it into their ear.” Rather than being smart enough to emphasize the right point, the skill and wisdom lie in asking the right question.

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A new Facebook page has been created called The Better Plan. I invite you to Like the page and become a part of The Better Plan community. Joel Steffen will be helping me manage it and our goal is to locate helpful teaching resources, many of them from within our own community, and to provide a place for teachers and parents to ask questions or comment on other’s questions.
July 13, 2013 2 Comments

Real Freedom

amnesty_print_chains

The topic of control is a big deal!

Many of us commit a lot of energy to trying to control others. This is a discouraging process that drains us emotionally and physically. Most importantly, trying to control others, usually the people we want to be the closest to, hurts our relationship with them. I feel there is a good chance that this “control” process is almost single-handedly responsible for the ridiculously high divorce rates.

We also commit a lot of energy and effort into trying to control ourselves. If we believe in a reward and punishment approach to life, and if we are using reward and punishment to try to control others, we will use those same tactics on ourselves. And, as you may have learned from experience, with pretty much the same ineffective results. In the same way that external control negatively affects our relationship with others, an external control approach negatively affects the relationship we have with ourselves, too. As self-control seems to elude us, we come to resent and even loathe ourselves.

With today being a Sabbath[1], a day of rest, our blog today will focus on some of the spiritual implications of control.

One of the most powerful themes of Jesus, at least for me, was the message that He came to set the captives free. Some took offense to this offer. When Jesus said “the truth will set you free,” the religious leaders of His day protested that they were descendants of Abraham and had never been slaves to anyone. “What do you mean,” they accusingly inquired, that “You will be set free?” (John 8:32, 33) A lot of us, though, know exactly what Jesus was talking about. Those who sin are slaves of sin. (John 8:34) We get caught in the sticky webs of our own behavior and like Paul, who admitted that he couldn’t seem to do right, even when he really wanted to do right, can only cry out in desperation, “Oh, what a miserable person I am. Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin?”[2] (Romans 7:24)

Peter agreed that  “you are a slave to whatever controls you.” (2 Peter 2:19) And a little book called Steps to Christ[3] explains that “What we do not overcome will overcome us.”  (p.33) Regardless of our culture, nationality, or religious background, this is what human beings are up against. Either we are becoming more trapped within our own physical and psychological appetites, feeling almost like we are in chains to silly or destructive habits, or we are becoming more free, more in control of our thinking and our acting.

I think that God appreciates choice theory. He created us with free will and He died to preserve our power to choose. He doesn’t want us to stop with just choice theory, though. Choice theory can help to explain our behavior, but it can’t change our hearts. That kind of change requires Holy Spirit help, which He offers freely and immediately. Amazing! The Bible writer, Titus, partly captured this truth when he wrote that “He [Jesus] gave His life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us His very own people.” (Titus 2:14)

It is draining to constantly be involved in controlling others and ourselves. The whole control thing can be distressing to say the least. Jesus offers us something different, though. “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matt. 11:28) Don’t worry about things. Don’t worry about what you wear, don’t worry about food, don’t worry about tomorrow, don’t worry about the behavior of others. “Seek the kingdom of God, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” (Matt. 6:25-7:5)

The adversary, Satan, wants to trap, enslave, chain, and addict. But Jesus’ promise is as real today as when He first proclaimed it – “I have come to set the captives free!”

[1] The seventh-day Sabbath is known for being a Jewish custom, but this is not entirely correct. Jewish people do observe Saturday Sabbath, however I am not Jewish, yet still observe this weekly gift of rest. The Sabbath was instituted at the creation of the world, before there were any nationalities or cultures. The Sabbath was included in the Ten Commandments many hundreds of years after creation, but the wording is significant. “Remember the Sabbath day,” the fourth commandment reminds. It wasn’t something new for the Hebrews after leaving captivity. The Sabbath was a day that God gave to all creation as His special gift. Even in the perfect world He originally created He must have known it would be good for us to truly rest one day out of seven. With the entrance of sin into the world and the pressures it brought to bear on us, His gift is all the more important. “Take it easy,” He gently encourages us. “Come apart from your busyness, your worries, and your to-do lists. Let’s hang out together during this special day.” After all, the earth is God’s coffee shop.

[2] The answer is Jesus! Romans 7:25

[3] Steps to Christ, by Ellen White, is an incredible book on spirituality and the power of choice.
July 11, 2013 2 Comments

Stringless Love

strings-attached

A key choice theory axiom, maybe THE choice theory axiom, states that the only person we can control is ourselves. This doesn’t mean that we don’t try to control others. We very often do, and in ways that are so subtle that we aren’t aware of it, even as we are in the midst of doing it. Today’s blog will attempt to pull back the curtain of our behavior and give examples of just how powerful this process is, a process that has everything to do with our quality world pictures.

When it comes to axiom #1 it would be more accurate to say that we are controlling for our perceptions, rather than controlling our own or another’s behavior. In other words, the only person’s perceptions we can control is our own. Let me give you an example that Mike (not his real name) shared with me recently –

The other day I am out shopping with my wife, each of us with a list of items to find, and while working on my list I notice her further down the same aisle I am in. I see her and for some reason I want to go to her and express my affection for her, to touch her, you know, to “look lovingly into her eyes” kind of thing. So I’m thinking about that as I’m standing there in the bread section. Some of you may be thinking, “What are you waiting for? Go tell her you love her!” But it’s not exactly that simple. We’re working through some stuff. We’re doing good, but anyway .  .  .

For some reason the question occurs to me, there in the bread section, am I wanting to express my affection to her because I just want to give her affection, or am I wanting to express affection so that she will give me affection in return? Am I wanting to touch her because she would then touch me, too? As I thought about it, I realized that what I really wanted was for her to want me, for her to express affection for me, and for her to touch me. I did feel affection toward her, but more importantly, I was fishing for something from her. My gift was not so much a gift, as much as it was a prompt, maybe even a bit of a trap.

I must admit I was stopped in my tracks at that moment. What you had been saying in the Soul Shapers class kind of just flashed into me. I had this picture in my mind of how I wanted my wife and I to be, how I wanted her to treat me, and there I was trying to create it, trying to turn my picture into a reality. I was stunned at how subtle, yet how real, the process was in my thinking. I was further stunned by how many years I had been behaving this way. My “affection” was really a form of manipulation.

Mike realized that his “love” had strings attached. He was giving, but it was giving to get something in return. When his giving wasn’t responded to in a way that matched his expectations he became frustrated and hurt, and then went about creating another behavior to try to get what he wanted. Maybe this new behavior would be another “loving” action; maybe it would be a punishing action like the silent treatment.

Spouses face this process every day. So does a teacher with his/her students. People have antennae that discern the strings that are attached to gifts. Love with strings attached really isn’t love. Let’s be clear, though. The problem isn’t that we have expectations, at least if the expectations are reasonable and healthy, the problem occurs when we manipulate or coerce to get what we want. It is actually relationship-strengthening to state your expectation and then, using the caring habits, discuss and negotiate the ways in which that expectation can happen.

——   “Love with strings attached really isn’t love.”   ——

On a deeper and more important level, I think this process reveals something about what the presence of sin has brought to our little planet. Jeremiah wrote about our righteousness being like filthy rags, or in other words, even our love seems to involve selfishness. I think the process also reveals one of choice theory’s limitations – that being that choice theory can give us insights into our behavior, but it cannot change the heart. Only the Holy Spirit can give us a perfect love that doesn’t care about strings. Stringless love. That would be powerful.

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April 30, 2013 4 Comments

Tough Love?

Reality Therapy cover]

“Patients want you to correct their irresponsible behavior,
but they want it to be done in the genuine spirit of helping them,
not to satisfy yourself by winning a power struggle.”
William Glasser

The above quote is from Reality Therapy, the book that propelled Glasser onto an international stage. While I am not a therapist the quote spoke to me as an educator, as I think students want something similar from us as principals and teachers. Students don’t mind being corrected, but not when it feels like they are losing a contest. Reality Therapy emphasized the idea of responsible vs. irresponsible behavior and Glasser became known for a get-tough approach, not only in psych wards and private practice offices, but in schools, too. Through Glasser’s writing and speaking, through advertisements in journals and magazines, and through word-of-mouth testimonials, educators became aware of his matter-of-fact toughness and it appealed to them.

As he saw, though, how teachers were latching onto the responsibility theme, and how they wanted to blame students for their irresponsible behavior, Glasser pulled back from his use of the word responsible. His “toughness” was always meant to be cradled in what he called involvement. Involvement was about a warm, caring relationship between two people, a meaningful connection between therapist and patient, or in our case, between principal and student. It may be that we need to correct a student who makes a mistake, or that we need to correct a faculty member who uses poor judgment, but this interaction should not become a contest between two people. The skill lies in our ability to confront without attempting to control; to correct while preserving the student’s or faculty member’s sense of freedom.

A spirit of wanting to feel in control and wanting to “win” interactions with others can run very deep in our personal way of being. Our lives are not easily compartmentalized and if we show up this way at school, chances are we will show up this way at home, too. Our spouse and our children may experience us in this mode on a regular basis. At least two bad things happen when we go into the control or contest mode. One, the focus becomes the contest, rather than the needed area of improvement. And two, the relationship is harmed. Whether between principal and student, husband and wife, or parent and child, a controlling interaction removes capital from a relationship bank account that is not that easily replaced. Over time a controlling approach can bankrupt even our most precious connections with loved ones.

It’s not that correction is bad. Correction is sometimes needed. The trick is staying in a place of love and empathy as we seek to maintain a necessary boundary. The apostle Peter came to understand this way of being and gently reminded us to –

“Care for the flock that God has entrusted you.
Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly
—not for what you will get out of it,
but because you are eager to serve God.
Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care,
but lead them by your own good example.
1 Peter 5:2,3

(This post first appeared as a contribution I made to a recent edition of Leading the Journey, an e-newsletter on excellence in leadership, which is being co-written and sponsored by Dr. Ed Boyatt, retired and former Dean of the School of Education at La Sierra University, and Dr. Berit von Pohle, Director of Education for the Pacific Union Conference. I wrote it with school principals in mind, however I think it can apply to teachers and parents as well. To receive the Leading the Journey e-newsletter, send an email to leadingthejourney@puconline.org)
April 12, 2013 3 Comments

The Sacrifice of Thanksgiving

JesusCalling

A little book, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, has become a part of my morning devotion time. A recent passage in the book encouraged readers to bring to Jesus the sacrifice of their thanksgiving. I did a bit of a double-take. Sacrifice of thanksgiving? How do those words go together? Sure enough, though, the phrase is from the Bible and can be found in Psalms 116:17. “I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving,” writes David (probably sings David), “And will call upon the name of the Lord.”

The passage in Jesus Calling went on to describe how, when we focus on what we don’t have or on situations that displease us, our thinking becomes darkened. We nurture a blaming, complaining, and critical spirit as a way of defending and rationalizing our resentment, hurt, and anger. We deserve to be hurt or offended, we convince ourselves, and go about showing others how hurt we are. Choice theory explains that we choose our misery, and this passage seemed to strongly support that view. In a moody condition it is easy to miss the blessings in which we wallow and to take for granted the good things in life that surround us. It is also easy to obsess on fixing the problem, which is almost always involves the behavior of another person in our lives, usually someone close to us like a spouse or colleague.

As I was reading this, still wondering about the phrase ‘sacrifice of thanksgiving,’ it hit me. When we approach God with thanksgiving, when we maintain a spirit of gratitude, we become willing to let go of what we don’t have. As we remain thankful for what we do have we give up the anger and hurt and frustration over perceived offenses and unfairness. We literally offer to God the sacrifice of our thanksgiving. It isn’t much of a sacrifice when you really think about it. We give up our slights and our bruised egos and our misery and God, in His graciousness, counts it as a sacrifice. He seems to understand how hard it is for us to give up our resentments and worries.

We really do have the choice to be thankful.  White reminds us that “It is within the power of everyone to choose the topics that shall occupy the thoughts and shape the character.” (ED127) We can nurture hurts and resentments, which actually feels good in its own way, or we can nurture gratitude and healing, which feels way better and which strengthens us in the process. Let’s choose gratitude and begin to sacrifice our complaints on the altar of thanksgiving.

See also Romans 8:31; Psalms 118:24; Psalms 23:1
April 7, 2013 9 Comments

Competition, Cooperative Learning, Control Theory, and Choice Theory

(Before I write anything today I want to emphasize that the “What is the purpose of Bible class?” discussion has been very interesting and even helpful. It has been interesting as your comments and explanations have stimulated our thinking and challenged us to really examine our approaches. It has been helpful because I have shared your comments with my “Teaching K-12 Bible” class. Your points, suggestions, and admissions have provided excellent springboards and gateways into class discussion and deeper learning.)

We aren’t done with our Bible class discussion (e.g. – we haven’t even mentioned Bible class and choice theory yet), but today .  .  . well .  .  . today is my 40 year reunion at Rio Lindo Academy. And, apparently, with 40 year reunions comes reflection. What have I experienced in the 40 years since I was 18? What did I make happen? What did I let happen? How have I changed? The change question got me to thinking about the big ideas that led to significant changes in my life. I don’t know how complete this list is, but these areas definitely stick out in importance for me. For some reason, they each begin with the letter C.

COMPETITION
I was very much involved with sports and competition as a young man (it was basically my life), yet by the time I finished college I had come to the conclusion that competition was unhealthy for me, and basically unhealthy for everything and everyone it touched. This was a remarkable epiphany for me, given the extent to which I had come to rely on competition. Coming into a better understanding of how competition shows up in our lives and ways in which it affects us marked much of my early career. I did some writing on the topic. See Should Adventist Schools Be Involved with Inter-school Sports? Review & Herald, Oct. 13, 1988.

COOPERATIVE LEARNING
Cooperative learning was a huge discovery for me. I remember feeling like the little boy (I’ve heard a story about this somewhere) who was playing beside a puddle on a foggy morning, but as the fog lifted he could see that the puddle was connected to a pond, and then to an inlet, and ultimately to the ocean. It was incredible to me that someone who had fought for competition so vehemently could now be seeking to turn people on to cooperative formats. In 1986 I began to get training in cooperative learning (from the Johnson brothers) and soon thereafter I started The Cooperation Company, a mail order company with a catalog of over 130 books, games, and resources, all of them focused on cooperating. I let the company go when I became an associate superintendent in 1996, a mistake, I think. Two of our blog family, Dick and Anita Molstead, I actually met because of The Cooperation Company. I did some writing on topic. See the April/May, 1995, edition of the Journal of Adventist Education.

CONTROL THEORY
I read Schools Without Failure, for an MAT class I was taking at Andrews University in 1978, and it did have an impact on my thinking. During my early years of teaching–Kingsway College, in Oshawa, Ontario, and Feather River School in Oroville, California–I adjusted my grading practices because of Glasser. But I didn’t in any way see the big picture, the more far-reaching implications. In 1991, though, I read The Quality School and not only re-discovered Glasser, I also began to get a glimpse of the importance of his ideas. This era would have been during my time as principal of Foothills Elementary in Deer Park, California, and especially during my time as principal of Livingstone Junior Academy in Salem, Oregon. I began to try and apply the concepts of control theory at home and at work. I liked the results, especially how it seemed to affect my own thinking. I began to see that I could be less controlled by my feelings. The faculty and staff at LJA participated in a control theory in-service and I don’t think Livingstone has been the same since. Control theory certainly helped me to begin to be a better husband and father, too. I began to write Soul Shapers during this time.

CHOICE THEORY
I can remember how surprised I was as an associate superintendent in the Upper Columbia Conference to learn that Glasser had changed control theory to choice theory, and that he had rejected school discipline plans, in general, and especially a management approach known as Restitution. I had been drawn to his ideas, even applied them as a principal and presented them as a superintendent, yet now I wondered was going on. I wondered from a distance, as I had never met Glasser and didn’t know anyone with whom he was close. I certainly had no idea then that I would meet him in at the 2000 NAD convention in Dallas; that we would become friends; that I would begin a doctorate and conduct a biographical study, with his involvement, on the development of his ideas; and that I would become his authorized biographer as a result. Since 2000 I completed training to become a faculty member for Glasser International, Inc., completed the doctorate, and after years of interviews and research, completed the manuscript for Glasser’s biography, which is being published this year.

It is interesting that I would think of these guiding ideas, these big idea eras, on a nostalgic day like a 40 year reunion. Apparently, my basic need for purpose and meaning is pretty high. When you look back, what are the big ideas that have influenced you? Is there one in particular that has been significant for you? I would love to hear about your big idea list!

 
March 29, 2013 4 Comments

Mama G

Reviewing the edits in the Glasser biography this past week, I was reminded of story that took place on Glasser’s first day of his first job. His non-traditional views may have bothered some at UCLA’s School of Psychiatry and at the last second an offer for him to become one of the teaching faculty was rescinded. With a young family to support he needed a job and followed up on an opening at a prison school for girls in Ojai, California, 65 miles one way from where he lived. The Ventura School for Girls needed a psychiatrist and, although not a prestigious position, Glasser jumped at the chance to work there.

Bill, 1950ish                                                                                                                           William Glasser, shortly before he began at the Ventura School in 1956.

Some might think that the famous William Glasser went in there and turned that school around, but that was not necessarily the case. For one thing, he wasn’t famous yet. For another, his beliefs and ideas were just forming. As it turned out, the Ventura School for Girls would have an incredible impact on the formation of the principles of reality therapy, which I shared in the last blog, and in preparing him to see the importance of the principles of control theory. He did help the school, a lot, but he is quick to point out just how much the school helped him. He didn’t start working there with a full understanding of the need for a warm, caring relationship between the staff and the girls, nor had he embraced the idea of punishment being counterproductive, but he witnessed first hand how these elements worked and how much they mattered. This brief excerpt from the book gives us an inkling as to how the school could have been such an important part of his life.

     On his very first day at the Ventura School, Glasser was a part of a significant incident that revealed the impact the school was going to have on him. He had arrived a little late, but Mrs. Perry encouraged him to go down to one of the cottages and meet the housemother and the girls. Since he had gotten there late, it was the afternoon and the girls were either already in their cottage or were drifting back from classes. One of Miss Perry’s assistants took Glasser to one of the cottages and introduced him to Mama G. The housemother titles often started with the word Mama and then the first letter of their last name. The assistant headed back to the office, and shortly thereafter a new girl was brought to the cottage. She had just arrived from Norwalk, California. Glasser remembered it like this:
“She came in and Mama G said hello to her. Mama G sat in the day room with the other girls, except she had a little table, about 24” by 24”, which she sat behind so she could write notes on it and things like that. They had certain paperwork they had to do. And, the girl, a big girl, I mean, 5’8”, like not an ounce of fat on her, must have weighed about 150 or 160 pounds, I mean she was a tough looking girl, and she was angry.
I’ve never seen anyone as angry as her. I’d never seen anyone like any of these girls before. I mean, they were all full of tattoos, which I’d never seen before, self-tattooed with India ink. But anyway, this girl, I don’t remember if she had any tattoos on her, but she just started to curse Mama G and threaten her, and I, you know, I knew there was nothing I could do, but I was still nervous. Cuz this woman, I don’t think Mama G weighed more than, you know, 80 or 90 pounds, 4’10” maybe, and 75 years old. I mean, she was a frail old lady, and this girl is cursin’ her. And as I say, the other girls—‘cuz by that time I was one of the girls—the other girls were watchin’ and I was watchin’, too. They seemed interested, but no one seemed nervous or upset, you know, as if this is not such a big deal. And so she must have cursed the woman—Mama G, I mean—she must have let her have it for 30 or 40 seconds, which is an eternity.
And then Mama G got up from her little table, ‘cuz the girl was kind of leaning on her little table and cursing her right in the face, you know, threatening her, and Mama G got up and walked around the table, around the big girl that was standing there leaning on it, put her arm around the girl’s waist, which was pretty tall for her, you know, and gave the girl a hug and in a very sweet voice said, “Honey, is something bothering you?”
And, then, the girl, dealt with such kindness and total lack of, you know, being angry or punishment, you know, as we would say now, no external control at all, she just started to cry.  She cried and cried, and the tears ran down her face, and Mama G had to take a box of Kleenex and kind of settle her down, and the other girls, including me, wanted to help her, and Mama G dragged her over and said, ‘Now here are the girls you’re going to be with. It’s a nice cottage. These are nice girls. They knew you were coming, and they’re looking forward to meeting you, and this is Dr. Glasser, our new psychiatrist.’ And, I did talk to her a little bit. She wanted to talk to me, and I talked to all the girls, and then I had to leave.”
One of the keys to Glasser’s counseling approach is recognizing the need for the therapist to establish a relationship with the client, to become involved in an understanding of the client’s life and challenges. On his first day at the Ventura School, Glasser witnessed how powerful it can be when the relationship is focused on first.

Mama G sounds like a very special lady to me. So much confidence combined with so much tenderness. She knew that things were going to work out and that love was going to help them work out sooner than any of the other options available. Mama G and God have a lot in common. It is powerful when relationships are valued in the way Mama G valued them. Glasser learned something that day he never forgot. He then passed it on to you and me. And now we can pass it on to others.
March 28, 2013 4 Comments

The Life Principles of Reality Therapy

This week has been spring break at PUC, but life has kept moving pretty quickly none the less. One of the things I have been working on this week is the Glasser biography. An editor had been working on the manuscript for over a month, making corrections on grammar and sentence structure, deleting what she felt was unnecessary, and commenting on areas that lacked clarity. I received the edited manuscript last weekend and have been carefully going over the corrections and suggestions since then. I thought she did a very good job. I also thought I was pretty good with the English language, however it is a bit humbling to have your work carefully edited by someone who knows what they are doing. After reviewing her edits I re-wrote sections that she felt needed it, defended anecdotes she felt should be taken out, and re-evaluated some of the ways I characterized certain events and people. Today I sent back to her a copy of the manuscript in which I edited her edits. It is actually a rich process. I think within the next month I will be able to answer the question, “When is your book coming out?”

Going through the entire book in a few days has brought back into the forefront of my thinking a lot of Glasser’s ideas. For instance, there is a table in the book that summarizes the principles of reality therapy, the therapeutic approach for which Glasser became famous. These principles are really quite powerful. Just in case one or two of them have slipped your mind, I list them here –

Principles of Reality Therapy

Positive INVOLVEMENT
PRESENT BEHAVIOR
SELF-EVALUATION
Make a PLAN
COMMITMENT
NO EXCUSES
NO PUNISHMENT
NEVER GIVE UP

Although Glasser did not come at these from an intentionally spiritual perspective I think there is something very Christlike about these principles. While they were initially designed to guide the process between therapist and client, Glasser came to view them as a way of life, a set of guiding principles from which anyone could benefit. In other words, the principles could help a therapist working with a patient, but they could also help a person working through a life challenge on his own.

Positive involvement is about the need for positive relationships based on a warm, caring regard for another person. Whether counselor and client, husband and wife, supervisor and employee, or teacher and student, positive involvement is essential. In my next blog I will share a story from the biography that exemplifies the principle of involvement. The story happened to Glasser on the first day of his first job.