The two days labeled as December 31 and January 1 are two of the biggest choice theory days of the year! We make a big deal out of these two days – one day representing a reflective farewell, the other representing a determined new beginning. There can be other important days in our calendar year, unexpected challenges that call on our choice theory prowess, but these two days roll around every year. And every year they seem to invite us to take a look back, to take stock of ourselves, to self-evaluate, and then to make a plan and set a course toward goals we see as important.

A song called This Is Your Life seems to capture the most important element of this reflection and self-evaluation. The lyrics acknowledge yesterday – the new wrinkle on our forehead and the way in which we may have let others down – but they emphasize that today is really all we have. “This is your life” the lyrics remind, and then just as powerfully ask, “Are you who you want to be?”

Our minds may be thinking about a lot of different things – how to eat better, exercise more, love others more fully, be less selfish, reach out to others more, do something for yourself once in a while, do better at arriving at appointments on time, talk with your mother without getting upset, watch less TV, to name a few. We can get so caught up in these “symptom” behaviors that we lose sight of the bigger picture. All these smaller behaviors revolve around the big question, “Am I who I want to be?”

One thing choice theory points out is that it is possible, in fact, likely, that we will have conflicting pictures in our Quality World. The Quality World represents the area in our brains where we store pictures of any person or any thing that satisfies a Basic Need. There is nothing that says we can’t place things in our Quality World that satisfy a need, yet aren’t good for us. I can have a picture in my Quality World of not eating high fat, high sugar food, and I can have a picture of cake in there, too. (Maybe the incredible lemon cake I described in the June 14, 2014 blog post.) Both of these pictures are need-satisfying in some way. I like the idea of eating healthy food, and I like the idea of eating unhealthy food.

The apostle Paul seemed to really capture the angst of conflicting pictures in his letter to the Romans when he wrote that –

I want to do what is right, but I can’t.
I want to do what is good, but I don’t.
I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. Romans 7:18, 19

A lot of us can relate to this angst.

Choice Theory agrees with Switchfoot, the band who wrote This Is Your Life, in that today is indeed all we have. Fuming about the past or worrying about the future will not empower us to answer the important question, Are you who you want to be? With this in mind, here are a few things to keep in mind as we let go of 2015 and plan for 2016.

Admit It
It’s good to admit that for some reason ineffective behavior is need-satisfying. Ineffective behaviors are often (maybe always) self-medicating. Healthy or unhealthy we do these behaviors for a reason.

Make a Plan
Make a plan that is realistic and reachable. Overnight, complete makeovers don’t qualify as realistic or reachable. A good starting point might be just selecting a time during the day when you can center, balance, and focus on the important. Call it meditation, call it devotional time, call it whatever, but set a private time for centering and strengthening.

Replace Ineffective Pictures
Instantly eradicating a need-satisfying behavior, even one that is destructive, is hard to do. It is more doable when we come up with a new or different behavior to take its place. This takes some creativity, but it is worth the time.

Small Steps Are Fine
Taking small, consistent steps toward a goal is a good way to make significant change. Huge, immediate victories are great, but such a mindset can lead to huge defeats, too.

Don’t Let Slip-Ups Derail You
Don’t let slip-ups and mistakes keep you from re-evaluating and re-engaging in the plan. Slip-ups are common and are to be expected. You will sleep in instead of going to the gym; you will criticize a loved one; you will eat the lemon cake. Instead of guilting yourself and throwing out the plan because of your mistake, celebrate that it didn’t feel right when you behaved the way you did – whether it was overeating or vegging out in front of the television – and get back on track with a new plan.

Never give up
Never give up on yourself and never give up on the important people in your life. Every day of the year can be a December 31 when it comes to self-evaluation and change.

 

For those who may be interested, here are the lyrics for This Is Your Life:

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you’ve got now
Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be?
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be?
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
This is your life are you who you want to be?
This is your life are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
And you had everything to lose

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If you have read the Glasser biography, Champion of Choice, I encourage you to post a brief review on Amazon. More reviews will encourage others to check out Glasser’s ideas.