Flip Wilson
Flip Wilson, a comedian who many saw as “television’s first Black superstar,” became known for his hilarious skits that often included the phrase, “the devil made me do it!” People laughed as Geraldine (one of the characters Wilson often portrayed) described some fix she had gotten into or some misbehavior she had done, only to lament with great conviction that the devil had made her do it. (The following 3-minute audio recording captures Geraldine’s view of things quite well.)
Language is a powerful influence in our lives, not only in how our words affect others, but also in how our words affect us. Words affect the hearer; words affect the speaker. Our vocabulary very much becomes of a part of how we see the world. What we can put into words contributes to our forming a picture of what we see. This process is especially obvious as toddlers begin to communicate, as well as with ELL students in a school setting. As humans we see and perceive through our vocabulary.
We chuckle at Wilson’s emphasizing that the devil made him do it, but we can be just as capable of blaming something or someone else for our attitudes or behavior. “He makes me so mad,” we might hear, or “that makes me so happy” a friend will bubble. The words reflect a worldview that things outside of us control our thinking. The words confirm our belief that things outside of us make us behave one way or another.
Choice theory reminds us that other people or circumstances don’t make us do anything. Circumstances may influence our decisions, but ultimately we choose a behavior that we think will best work for us at that moment. Choice theory also reminds us that the words we commonly use can help or hinder our mental health (i.e. – our levels of contentment and optimism vs. our levels of dissatisfaction and unhappiness).
This is why Glasser loved verbs, even changing nouns to verbs as part of his desire to make a point. Instead of anger or being angry, Glasser explained how it is better to say I am angering or I am choosing to anger. It is interesting how powerful our words can be and how much they can influence our perception of things. Choice theory accepts that angering is an option, we just need to accept responsibility for it and not blame someone or something outside of us for our attitude.
On a spiritual note, Flip Wilson’s phrase – the devil made me do it – brought a passage to my mind from the little book Steps to Christ. It goes like this –
When Christ took human nature upon Him, He bound humanity to Himself by a tie of love that can never be broken by any power save the choice of man himself. Satan will constantly present allurements to incline us to break this tie—to choose to separate ourselves from Christ. Here is where we need to watch, to strive, to pray, that nothing may entice us to choose another master; for we are always free to do this. But let us keep our fixed upon Christ, and He will preserve us. Looking unto Jesus, we are safe. Nothing can pluck us out of His hand. In constantly beholding Him, we “are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. II Cor. 3:18 Steps to Christ, p. 72
The devil can “present allurements” and can “entice,” but although Flip Wilson says otherwise, the devil can’t make us do anything. He certainly can’t separate us from God. As Steps to Christ points out, Jesus is bound to humanity by a tie of love that no power can break! No power on earth can break it, nor can any power throughout the universe. The only way this tie can be broken is if we, as individuals, choose to break it.
Choice theory wants us to use verbs as much as possible and learn to live responsibly, that is, to take ownership of our thinking and our behaving, rather than quickly blaming others. Living responsibly has a profoundly positive effect on our relationships with others, our relationship with God, and ultimately our outlook on life.
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Click on the book to quickly access it on Amazon.
The book that connects the dots of William Glasser’s ideas and his career.
The Better Plan . . 
Wonderfully put, and the Cognitive Behavioral element of the whole thing again reminded of this article, which I may have already shared with you:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/09/the-coddling-of-the-american-mind/399356/
Seems these ideas have never been more needed..
I have been teaching for 15 years in college classrooms and have yet to run into anything like the students and parents described in The Atlantic article to which you referred. I have experienced a few helicopter parents, but it didn’t involve language I had used or topics I had covered. I am aware of other teachers in my college who have experienced what the article describes, but I haven’t firsthand.
I can see where students could get tougher (so to speak) as they “learn how to think,” rather than just what to think. I also think it would be good, though, if everyone exhibited more care and sensitivity as they spoke. Words that come from an angry and hateful heart are not helpful. I guess I want to see change from both sides.
The cover story in the current Atlantic (Dec 2015) also speaks to this issue in a way. The article, The Silicon Valley Suicides, which examined why so many kids in the Palo Alto area are killing themselves, described (among many) a troubling phenomena. One therapist explained that what disturbs her the most is that the teenagers she sees no longer rebel. “A decade ago she used to referee family fights in her office, where the teens told their parents, ‘This is bad for me! I’m not doing this.’ Now she reports that teenagers have no sense of agency. They still complain bitterly about [the expectations of the parents and the way their school treats them], but they feel they have no choice.” What appears like “coddling” from one angle, actually appears more like aggressive directing and control (and even bullying) from another angle. It’s like teenagers are giving up. Or maybe just going along until they get out from under the control.
Interesting…that “giving up” you referred to doesn’t exactly surprise me, though I would interpret it differently. My theory with these types relates to the “coddling” effect addressed in the Atlantic article. American parents today bend over backwards to keep their children from being uncomfortable or bored, often placing the whims of those children above any other consideration. These children (from my own limited personal experience) seem to be spoiled and unable to handle adversity as they get older. Their parents put them into expensive therapy, hoping to get to the bottom of their unhappiness, which I believe only fuels it. The children develop a heightened sense of their own importance and the importance of their problems. Their “unhappiness” is constantly focused on and often medicated, and every struggle they go through put under a microscope. Excuses are made for why they can’t do things. Names are given to “conditions” they have, and the parade of pharmaceuticals only increases as they get older.
I would propose the following, and would be interested in your take. What if, instead of responding to a child or teen’s unhappiness by diving into it or giving it the weight of a terminal illness, what if parents (or teachers) responded by not acknowledging it at all? Like, if they could understand from a young age that no one cares about their problems, wouldn’t they be more inclined to get over them more quickly? Adversity indeed makes us stronger, and I can’t help but think a disservice is done to kids by trying to help them avoid it.